Moving to a Strange Land

Moving into a Strange Land

Bec and I have moved numerous times due to my being a Methodist pastor appointed to different churches at the Bishop’s whim.  Each move, of course, has its challenges, but none seems to be as ominous as the one we are about to make in  mid-April…tax day,  as a matter of fact. We are moving to a retirement community.  

Here is the story: Before we moved to NC, we would visit our son and his family on a regular basis.  One visit, we heard that Elizabeth had taken her father to this particular retirement community, and she loved it and told us about it and suggested that we look into it.  Well, we did and we liked it enough to make a down payment on an apartment but was told, up front, that it would be five or more years before one might be available.  But in the mean time, if we decided not to go, we would get our deposit back.  Soon after we made the decision, we moved just a two minute walk from our son’s home which also happened to be just 3 minutes away by car to the retirement village we visited. We did not give it another thought because five years never comes, right?  Well it did and sure enough, we were called and there was a two bedroom apartment open if we wanted it. So we accepted, and will be moving on April 15th. 

What is behind this story? 

One, we have been very thoughtful about our son and daughter who would be ‘expected’ to take care of us if we were unable to manage ourselves.  Their children are marriageable age, and most have moved away and that is where they will want to be with their children.They both said and their families agreed, they will do what ever needs to be done for our well being. But Bec and I knew the burden would be very heavy on them.

Two, we wanted to make the decision for ourselves.  We did not want any last minute/rushed decisions, about our care in the future. We are very healthy.  At our age people are getting ill, hospitalized more, so there will be more visits to the doctors, more pills to mange and take daily (which we are having to do now), and when hospitalized, Ginny and Adam would mange our affairs in the midst of all they do, while still working and visiting their own children and eventually grandchildren.  We believe that strain on them will be less than if we remained in our present house. So, though we do not need a retirement community right now,  if we do not accept it now, what owe desire might not be available later or that our physical limitations might keep us from being accepted at a later date. 

Three, our children see this as a gift to them.  They will still regularly visit, but to manage our health care in the years to come, will be done by professionals.  There will be  somethings they will have to manage but they will have the professionals behind them and with them as they do what they need to do for us.

Four, we will be in the independent living section but when assisted living is needed, we will have that, plus nursing care and memory care. We can stay in the same community for the remainder of our lives, keep the friends that we have made, and in familiar surroundings.   And, our children have the confidence that our needs are being met.  

Sure there are amenities that we like, but that was not what convinced us to accept.  It has been our children’s support and encouragement, the very excellent staff the community has and the joy we see and hear, unsolicited, from the many residents we have encountered already. There seems to be some excitement about our coming and we are equally as excited about getting to know them. 

Let me share a concern that has been on my mind. There are those who might think this is an escape from the real world.  Well, there might be some truth in that but part of my real world is that I am not able to do the things I have been able to do like, preach three sermons/Sunday, be Becky’s grunt man on the farm when raising cattle and sheep in my early retirement years. I find myself with slower reaction times in my driving that could endanger us if I am not particularly careful.  Also, Becky and I think of the other more than we think of ourselves. I, more than likely, will be off to Heaven before she will.  My health has been good but my heart attack and emergency bypass surgery made me aware that my life might be shorter than hers.  I want to make sure she is taken care of when that happens (she wants the same for me) and to have her be part of the decision, now, brings peace with the decision later. 

Also, I was reminded by two people recently, who heard my frustration, say that there is a tremendous need for ministry even in a retirement community.  They are people too, and they are my age and even older, and are faced with life and death issues, daily issues, like those outside the community.  Some of these folks are alone, and have few if any visits from family or friends. These are the folks that God will have me care for.  It is at the community center that I will be able to teach, encourage, and develop trust among the residents.  God has lengthened my life, for a purpose and it wasn’t for selfish ends.  Yes, it will be nice to have a driver of the village bus to take us to a concert or a ball game instead of  our driving in horrendous traffic. But my purpose is to be God’s servant even with older people, just like me, who are closer to facing eternity than we thought, maybe even a year ago. The time saved by eating the prepared meals, organized activities will be nice, but that will be time well served to give me opportunities to be in God’s service.  And, parenthetically, our children can have more time to be involved with their children, grandchildren and church, when we have freed them up to do what God wants them to do.  That’s a gift. 

All through life there are transitions and this is just another one.  It can’t be helped, but how we handle it between ourselves and with family makes all the difference in the world.  There’s a reason for retirement but it is in how we deal with it which makes the difference. And, let me say, it has been confirmed all along the way. God has blessed us and has called us like before to be a “blessing to others.”  

On a lighter note:  I read this quote is attributed to John Quincy Adams.  It goes something like this:

“John Quincy Adams is well. But the house in which he lives at present is becoming dilapidated. It is tottering up on its foundation. Time and the seasons have nearly destroyed it. Its roof is pretty well worn out. Its walls are much shattered and it trembles with every wind. I think John Quincy will have to move out of it soon. But he himself is quite well, quite well.” 

Grace and Peace,

Quentin

Sharecropper's Inheritance

Eastertide, 2025